Reel Of Feelings ( B - Bitter) - A to Z Challenge

B- Bitter

I was named Tara( meaning the STAR) , and to my innocent mind , all of 4 years, the only dream was of the butter like pillows , long flowing covers with flowers that I could not name and the warm rug where I could be rolled and lost. Just then the smell of her which I always wished I had, the peck on my forehead and her hands through my hair - Could time would have been frozen there? . I remember asking her the same three questions everyday ( Why don't you feed me ? When will you give me the rug? and will you come back tomorrow morning ?) and she would answer nothing different , maybe the child in me waited for a surprise.

My days were same, Hakim Baba used to pick me from home every day before anyone woke up, we walked through the woods with the biting cold winds singing along , the icy roads calling me to play and then to our destination. I liked going there as I could meet Rose - she was one among the children who used to stay there. Today was special , as I learnt that my name had a huge significance, people love to be born a star and I was already one. Rose was happy too as she could give away fragrance to all. I rushed up to Hakim Baba and pleaded him to take me back a little early than usual , he said "Child , Please play here for some more time , once you go there , you will have to be alone ". Not sure why , this feeling of anger came back too very often ( must be something I learnt much before) and I said , "Baba, If you don't take me , then I won't come back with you tomorrow and speak loudly ". All of four, I realized that I can get a lot of things done whenever I uttered the word loudly.

We entered through the same back gate and I was very excited to share what I learnt today with her . After Hakim Baba left , the wait seemed eternal and then she came , I ran to her , gave her the biggest hug I could and started rambling all of what Tara meant. Barely I would have finished , the door opened with a bang and he caught me quite hardly with both his hands and screamed that I was named Tara so that I can be lost among many with no unique identity, like the stars in the sky . I wanted to cry and also tell her to speak up for me, Why was she not saying anything when he dragged her away and left me standing alone in that dark room once again. No tears ran down , I felt bitter ........ 


Tamara Narayan said…
Oh dear! This has a haunting quality.
Ash said…
Thank you tamara.. working to play the next emotion..

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