Mind and Matters

I walked up straight to her , neither did I want Tarun nor Ruhana . I banged open the door and asked her "who gave you the right to decide whether I should be born or not ? , Why didn't you have the courage to bring me up , What are you trying to prove now by wanting to meet me ". She took her walking stick and sat down in her chair and said "Finally , we are alone and I can tell you what I have been wanting to ". I said "I am not here to listen to your story , yes , my hatred towards you is gone . Now after I have learnt the hard truth of my birth , I have no feelings left but want my questions answered". She said "fine Tara , if you can give me 10 minutes of your life today, I will tell you all that you wanted to know" and she began. "I always wanted you my child , more than my want a mother always wants the child's safety and thats what I did . When the doctor told me that I had a girl , I was the happiest as I knew you will...

Beyond your thoughts, deep in your eyes; Sour you high, above the skies; A world so lovely , big and wide; Innocent as you, with a heart so pure and white; Traverse my dear , reach the few;  where no one can chase you; Race not for the sake, smile a while; Take in the glory, dance a mile; Destiny awaits for you my love; Fear never, never look back ; Light will shine for you are forever mine. When she finished narrating this, the whole auditorium was in applause . Her eyes were constantly on us , Tarun and I . Tarun was basking in the glory of all parents asking if she was his daughter. I didn't take my eyes off the contact my angel was having and  she took the mike and said "Mama , I did what u said , Rock it baby "....

That night when I was left alone and my tears were dried up, all I was asking myself was what did I do wrong? All of four I yearned for an answer and every time I had the opportunity, I used to ask Hakim Baba one question "Baba, look at my face and tell me what is wrong" and he would just respond "think what is right , how beautiful you are , how blessed you are to have so many people around you "and give a broad smile. With a jolt I came back to where I was, Rose was sleeping and all night I sat right there and kept looking at her. After 15 years I had got this moment to be next to her, touch her and feel the same happiness .I got up as I heard the bell ring outside and she caught me tightly by her hand and said "Please don't leave me and go , I might lose my baby "and she fell unconscious . The doctor said everything was normal and called me aside to check if Rose was under any stress as this was all a result of some stress that she is underg...

Hakim Baba had told me the philosophy behind running the home and the school , it was in the lines of , a place where there is no restriction on what you want to learn and a home where you will always be wanted. I did work towards making this place what baba had envisioned without realizing that I would feel what this place means very soon. When I rushed back, Ruhana tried stopping me saying that "It will be more difficult the next time "and Tarun added "Remember , this is where I stay and you have no escape and I heard her telling " Let her go, someone is waiting much more than I am ". It was the time of rains and mists played Hide and seek with us all the time, my mind drifted towards one morning where Rose and I had wandered very far from our home and suddenly could not see each other while we knew we were still holding hands. It was both scary and funny , we thought it was a game that God was playing with us. The laughter after the mists cleared away ...

I accompanied Tarun and Ruhana to the house again. I had convinced myself that it was just this time , this one time I would meet her. All had only the best to say , my hatred was gone leaving me with no feeling for her, so there was no reason for me to get carried away. All Tarun told is he was a paying guest here and the other day , his family had visited him. He knew my mother as the Landlady and nothing more. I could see he was hiding a lot more this time, maybe I knew why. Ruhana on the other hand had never met her too but seemed to be knowing much more than what baba would have known. We reached her room , wait a second I said, "My room" I said softly. The door opened and nothing had changed , it was the same cold and dark room except it had a very soothing aroma . On one corner was the rug that I had always wanted to hide under as a child and the other corner had some clothes hung which were mine when I was four. I saw her walking towards me , not really , s...

So you did get time to look at me dear , she said in her usual mocking smile . I was still not sure if I should ask her about my mother but one close look at her , something inside me changed. There were numerous marks on her face and neck, maybe on her hands too , and none seemed natural . Unknowingly my hands went to one of the marks and she said “ Oh, you also got curious now , leave them, these are my beauty marks , marks that scarred just not my beauty but my soul” and she continued cooking. “Come back tomorrow and we shall start where Hakim had left “ , she was the only one who called Baba just Hakim . The whole evening I felt selfish of not wanting to understand her, she had suddenly grown old after Baba left us . After dinner I walked up to her room , the first time in 20 years , and what I saw there left me spellbound.  The whole room was filled with an art that spoke many things which only a rare few could understand and I could relate a lot of stories that Baba tol...

She was the only other one who knew everything about my mother or so I thought , Ruhana,  and that was the first time I really talked to her . Ruhana was always there from the time I remember but I rarely spoke to her apart from the times when I have appreciated her ways of making food for the children ( Personally I was not much of a fan) . It was a night when Hakim Baba had got the surprise cake for all of us , and it was a big deal for us as kids . Hakim Baba had some real ways to bring cheer on us  to make us forget that we don’t have anyone and so that day he was singing a special song . Along with the singing, we were all ready to cut the cake when the phone rang. All of us fell silent as a was a habit taught to us whenever phone rings, Baba spoke for a minute or two and never bothered to come back to the cake .Five minutes later , all hell broke loose ,All of us kids were ushered to go back to our rooms. We then saw Ruhana crying loudly , beating her chest and...