Mind and Matters

Colorful noises, silent downpours, do you know to speak activities, cold coffee, long hours of dreaming -is that the corporate world you know of? Vibrant voices, sounds of laughter, group gatherings, steaming hot cups of coffee, charged up hours of ideation - does this sound more like the place you are in.. Maybe or maybe not. In all of this what may not be different are the inner circles. What's that now? Some sort of process that is required for a job or is it the halo that you may get once you become the SME. Neither friends yet it is much more valued than the appraisals and the money. Inner circle allows you more face time with the most key clients, gets you the invite to those dinner parties and the oh so not formal, very friendly get to gathers, gives you the so called juicy information which can make you the most sought after person. Oh yes, it comes free with an invisible chip on the shoulder- did you expect more? Gaining an entry to it does not require great degrees l...

One is straight line,  one is success,  one is unity ,  one is different,  one is you,  one is me ,  one is God ,  one is heart ,  one is love,  one is pure,  one is cure,  one is pain,  one is lonely,  one is cheat,  one is great ,  one is first ,  one is last,  one is truth ,  one is lie,  one is right,  one is wrong,  one is life,  one is death . This post is written for the first day of NaBloPoMo

Sheela aunty was once again arguing with the Vegetable vendor, The water tanker had to horn to send the voice to the last house in spite of not a soul in front of him. Shekar Uncle's usual routine of kicking his scooter was more of a habit even when it would start in the second one. The sound of the bells announcing the end of the daily worship when everybody in the household stand around to have their hand waved across the pious fire . These little ( Ok , sometimes big) made my morning , today was different . It was another day of parade , small talks , introductions , show around the house, is there something you want to talk , expectations and the void. Growing up in a joint family , staying in of one of row houses in the busiest streets in Chennai came with its own pinch of sugar and salt . Not a day went without laughter even after the biggest of fights and also not a day where you have a minute for self . Leave alone the family even the aunty in the last house...

There I felt the usual peck on my head and before she said anything, I opened my eyes and asked "Mama" where is my gift ? She gave me her ever radiant smile and said, "Happy Birthday Beta(Child)". The impatient me did not bother to hear that , all I did was open the cupboard and started searching, causing quite a mess. I was 18 today , adulthood had finally dawned , the age of I can do it myself ! She did turn to say something , I brushed past her as my phone kept ringing with all that awaited calls. From the corner of my eye, I did see that mama continued during her morning chores , like placing a cup of coffee next to papa's study table where he was busy with his newspaper , handing over the spectacles to Dadi for her prayer reading , packing lunch boxes for my lazy brother , getting herself ready all at the same time. While I was still busy with my phone, she signaled me that I was getting late to college. I am sure she caught the guilty look in me thi...

I am fertile, I now have a 7 seven year old - sounds obnoxious , isn't it , well that's the truth and I find it very weird every time I get to hear this told to me "Thank God, all went well for you and you have this child , not many women are lucky". A land worth millions does not promise a yield, industries which has lived a lifetime cannot predict their next year  - For God's sake , I am a Woman human and I was not born with a tag. I mention the WOMAN in particular, for , the four people who live around my neighborhood only seem to have time to find my missing tag. I indeed thank the almighty for the bundle of joy he has given me , I am here to narrate my first hand experience of my friend with whom I have lived through one of her most unreasonable phase. Her wedding was the most talked about in our circle, she got the guy she loved, she had the best job, she was at the peak of her career, a dream wedding , a dreamier honeymoon in the alps( All comments on...

An Alarm at five; The bread and the knife; A one by two balance ; That look and the glance. A mother so nice; A boss so kind; No time for mess; Can get you to grind. Prayers, wishes and greetings too; Time we make for all that is you; Calls to take , pets to feed, You call me friend for your need. Who teaches , the book or the mind Not a single soul has the wand to find; My eyes open wide with a quizzical smile; when Extra ordinary is my name once in a while.... This is an ode to all the Women out there:)

I walked up straight to her , neither did I want Tarun nor Ruhana . I banged open the door and asked her "who gave you the right to decide whether I should be born or not ? , Why didn't you have the courage to bring me up , What are you trying to prove now by wanting to meet me ". She took her walking stick and sat down in her chair and said "Finally , we are alone and I can tell you what I have been wanting to ". I said "I am not here to listen to your story , yes , my hatred towards you is gone . Now after I have learnt the hard truth of my birth , I have no feelings left but want my questions answered". She said "fine Tara , if you can give me 10 minutes of your life today, I will tell you all that you wanted to know" and she began. "I always wanted you my child , more than my want a mother always wants the child's safety and thats what I did . When the doctor told me that I had a girl , I was the happiest as I knew you will...

Beyond your thoughts, deep in your eyes; Sour you high, above the skies; A world so lovely , big and wide; Innocent as you, with a heart so pure and white; Traverse my dear , reach the few;  where no one can chase you; Race not for the sake, smile a while; Take in the glory, dance a mile; Destiny awaits for you my love; Fear never, never look back ; Light will shine for you are forever mine. When she finished narrating this, the whole auditorium was in applause . Her eyes were constantly on us , Tarun and I . Tarun was basking in the glory of all parents asking if she was his daughter. I didn't take my eyes off the contact my angel was having and  she took the mike and said "Mama , I did what u said , Rock it baby "....

That night when I was left alone and my tears were dried up, all I was asking myself was what did I do wrong? All of four I yearned for an answer and every time I had the opportunity, I used to ask Hakim Baba one question "Baba, look at my face and tell me what is wrong" and he would just respond "think what is right , how beautiful you are , how blessed you are to have so many people around you "and give a broad smile. With a jolt I came back to where I was, Rose was sleeping and all night I sat right there and kept looking at her. After 15 years I had got this moment to be next to her, touch her and feel the same happiness .I got up as I heard the bell ring outside and she caught me tightly by her hand and said "Please don't leave me and go , I might lose my baby "and she fell unconscious . The doctor said everything was normal and called me aside to check if Rose was under any stress as this was all a result of some stress that she is underg...

Hakim Baba had told me the philosophy behind running the home and the school , it was in the lines of , a place where there is no restriction on what you want to learn and a home where you will always be wanted. I did work towards making this place what baba had envisioned without realizing that I would feel what this place means very soon. When I rushed back, Ruhana tried stopping me saying that "It will be more difficult the next time "and Tarun added "Remember , this is where I stay and you have no escape and I heard her telling " Let her go, someone is waiting much more than I am ". It was the time of rains and mists played Hide and seek with us all the time, my mind drifted towards one morning where Rose and I had wandered very far from our home and suddenly could not see each other while we knew we were still holding hands. It was both scary and funny , we thought it was a game that God was playing with us. The laughter after the mists cleared away ...

I accompanied Tarun and Ruhana to the house again. I had convinced myself that it was just this time , this one time I would meet her. All had only the best to say , my hatred was gone leaving me with no feeling for her, so there was no reason for me to get carried away. All Tarun told is he was a paying guest here and the other day , his family had visited him. He knew my mother as the Landlady and nothing more. I could see he was hiding a lot more this time, maybe I knew why. Ruhana on the other hand had never met her too but seemed to be knowing much more than what baba would have known. We reached her room , wait a second I said, "My room" I said softly. The door opened and nothing had changed , it was the same cold and dark room except it had a very soothing aroma . On one corner was the rug that I had always wanted to hide under as a child and the other corner had some clothes hung which were mine when I was four. I saw her walking towards me , not really , s...

So you did get time to look at me dear , she said in her usual mocking smile . I was still not sure if I should ask her about my mother but one close look at her , something inside me changed. There were numerous marks on her face and neck, maybe on her hands too , and none seemed natural . Unknowingly my hands went to one of the marks and she said “ Oh, you also got curious now , leave them, these are my beauty marks , marks that scarred just not my beauty but my soul” and she continued cooking. “Come back tomorrow and we shall start where Hakim had left “ , she was the only one who called Baba just Hakim . The whole evening I felt selfish of not wanting to understand her, she had suddenly grown old after Baba left us . After dinner I walked up to her room , the first time in 20 years , and what I saw there left me spellbound.  The whole room was filled with an art that spoke many things which only a rare few could understand and I could relate a lot of stories that Baba tol...

She was the only other one who knew everything about my mother or so I thought , Ruhana,  and that was the first time I really talked to her . Ruhana was always there from the time I remember but I rarely spoke to her apart from the times when I have appreciated her ways of making food for the children ( Personally I was not much of a fan) . It was a night when Hakim Baba had got the surprise cake for all of us , and it was a big deal for us as kids . Hakim Baba had some real ways to bring cheer on us  to make us forget that we don’t have anyone and so that day he was singing a special song . Along with the singing, we were all ready to cut the cake when the phone rang. All of us fell silent as a was a habit taught to us whenever phone rings, Baba spoke for a minute or two and never bothered to come back to the cake .Five minutes later , all hell broke loose ,All of us kids were ushered to go back to our rooms. We then saw Ruhana crying loudly , beating her chest and...

When I am upset , I work endlessly and after they took away Hakim Baba, I had no reason not to work. “ Is your inner voice not talking to you anymore” is what I heard from far or “ Have you decided not to hear that?” .It was him finally, how badly I wanted him next to me , I knew he was giving me time to heal but this way of staying away from me was unacceptable.” I am busy right now” I said grimly “ The new site in Valley has got approved and I would need time to spend on the design and the logistics”. “ Oh yes absolutely “ he said, “ all I am here to do is just sit and watch you , I would not speak a word “ he responded and that was the bait . I lost control, again, to find myself waking up in a totally different place. No, it was not a hospital , it was beautiful .It had the same flowery bed cover with a cushion pillow and the softest of rug over me which I dreamt of from the time I saw it as a child. When I realized what was happening, I got panicky as I saw no one around and...